I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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