I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
