You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
