Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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