i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
