I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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