I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
