I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
