I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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