i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this boner is exhausting
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
