it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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