Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
