Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
