they need to just BURY HIM!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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