The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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