I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
