I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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