its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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