You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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