yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
