who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
