If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
