we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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