so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
