When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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