That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
