Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
