i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
