I just cut my nipple shaving
it was like eating out sand paper
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
