Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
