filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
