woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
