you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
