Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
