I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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