Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
