I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
