ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
