It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
