So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
