I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
