bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
