I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
