Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
