I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
