you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
