yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
