Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
