omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude i'm inner monologue high
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
