If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
