all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
