I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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