I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
