but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
