If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
